If You Write It, They Will Come

One question I am often asked is “Where do you get your book ideas from?”

The answer is simple enough, but it may have a few authors shaking their heads. I write books that I can see myself starring in. Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Historical, and all of the other genres have their place but I could never see myself falling in love with someone whose main diet is O-Positive or living on a planet in a galaxy far, far away.

I met the man of my dreams in what many people would call a love at first sight scene straight out of a fairytale. From the moment our eyes met, we knew we would be together forever. We’ve had our ups and downs, stressed about things normal people stress over, and more than our share of arguments over stupid things. That’s the sort of story I like to write because reading is not always an escape from reality. Sometimes you have to read about the same sort of people as yourself and find out on the last page that everything will work out in the end.

Once you decide on the genre and the type of story you want to write – stick to your guns. As a newbie writer, I took the advice of editors, friends, even social media friends that I had never met. By the time my first book was published, I hardly recognized the story I had written. Now, I’m not saying that the advice of all these people is a bad thing. I am saying that every single suggestion does not need to be fretted over and your entire story rewritten. Take a few minutes to consider how each edit will change the tone and the voice of the story. If you make an edit, will it still sound like you wrote the book, will the flow of the story be changed from how you saw it in your head? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, think long and hard about making the change.

Case in point was the story that had lived in my heart from many years. The character seemed so alive that I felt I could meet her on the street at any time. By the time I edited and rewrote and changed the story line to suit what I thought was helpful advice, I hardly recognized the character and the story was written by someone else. It broke my heart. Older and wiser now, I have republished the book using my original manuscript. It will never make me a millionaire, but I am more proud of the book now than when it was first published.

So, as Toni Morrison says, if there is a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, the you must write it.

Write from the Soul

In a world where the type of books written is often dictated by publishers, it is sometimes best to break from the pack and go your own way.

 

For several years I dealt with an agent and a publisher, and it was a struggle each time I submitted a new manuscript. "It's not what's selling today," they told me. "Can't you write the type of novels everyone else is writing?" "You'll never make it onto a bestseller list writing this kind of story."

 

I could have taken the easy route, written the type of story they were looking for, and perhaps I would be on a bestseller list somewhere by now, but I have never been one to follow the pack. I have always gone my own way, both in my writing and in my life. So I bid the agent and publisher farewell and struck out on my own. it was the best move I ever made. No longer am I stressed when I sit before my computer to work, worrying if the story will be accepted because its plot it not mainstream, if the phrasing suits the editors rather than sounding as if I wrote it.

 

Every author has his own writing style. It may not always conform to the rules of formal grammar, but it is what distinguishes the writing from other authors. This has always been a prickly point between myself and my editors. One of my favorite authors whose books gave me the courage to write my first novel, threw in more than a few passive verbs and fragmented sentences in her writing. It made sense to use it to set a mood or make a point. Yet, when I submitted a manuscript using the same technique, it came back with editorial comments longer than the story itself. It made me wonder if my hero had the same problem with her editors. Probably not, since more than one of her books made it to the New York Times Bestseller list.

 

So, as I start work on my latest creation, a collection of short stories that will be entitled "So Close", do not look for me on the shelves of your local bookseller but rather in the hallowed cyberspace of eReaders.

 

A Thousand Words of Love

 

My Love, you know that I am not always clever with words. I have always relied on your easy, warm and understanding smile. But just this once I want to tell you that I love you like no one has ever told you before. There is a much greater motivation than simply my spoken words. For me, to love is to commit myself freely and without reservation. I am sincerely interested in your happiness and well-being. Whatever your needs are, I will try to fulfill them and will bend in my values depending upon the importance of your need. If you are lonely and need me, I will be there. If in that loneliness you need to talk, I will listen. If you need to listen, I will talk to you. If you need the strength of touch, I will touch you. If you need to be held, I will hold you. I will lie next to you if that is your need. If you need fulfillment of the flesh, I will give you that also. I will try to be constant with you so that you will understand the core of my personality and from that understanding gain the strength of security that I am acting as me. I, on occasion, may falter in my moods. I may project, at times, a strangeness that is alien to you, which may bewilder or even frighten you. There will be times when you may question my motives. But because people are never constant and are as changeable as the seasons, I will try to build up within you a faith in my fundamental attitude and show you that my inconsistency is only for a moment and is not a lasting part of me. I will show you love now. Each and every day, for every day is a lifetime. Every day that we live, we learn more how to love. I will not defer in my love, nor neglect it, for if I wait until tomorrow, tomorrow never comes. It is like a cloud in the sky, passing quickly by. If I give you kindness and understanding, then I receive your faith. If I give you hate and dishonesty, I will receive your distrust. If I give you fear and am afraid, you will become afraid and fear me. I will give you what you need to receive. To what degree I give my love is determined by my past and by my understanding of truth and love. My understanding is determined by my parents, friends, and places I have been. All experiences that have been fed into my mind from living. I will give you as much love as I can. If you show me how to give more, then I will give you more. I can only give as much love as you need to receive or allow me to give. If you receive all that I can give, then my love is endless and fulfilled. I must give all that I am capable of giving. Love is universal. Love is the movement of life. All things in life I find beautiful. No human being or society has the right to condemn any kind of love I feel or my way of expressing it. If I am sincere, sincerity being the honest realization of myself and there is no hurt or pain intentionally involved in my life or any life mine touches. I want to become a truly loving spirit. Let my words, when I speak, become a restoration of your soul. And when speech is silent, let my passion project a depth of sensitivity. When I touch you, when I kiss you, when I hold you, or when I love you, I am saying a thousand words.

 

Happy Valentine's Day!

America's 2012 Fiscal Cliff

I don't usually write about politics; the topic opens up too many cans of worms on what is geared to be a laid-back blog. But as the American political system makes its way to a debacle better known as the Fiscal Cliff of 2012, I found a quote by Warren Buffet that I would like to share with you all.

"I could end the deficit in 5 minutes," Warren Buffet told CNBC. "You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election. The 26th amendment (granting the right to vote for 18 year-olds) took only 3 months & 8 days to be ratified! Why? Simple! The people demanded it. That was in 1971 - before computers, e-mail, cell phones, etc. Of the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven took one year or less to become the law of the land - all because of public pressure."


Congressional Reform Act of 2013

1. No Tenure / No Pension. A Congressman/woman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they're out of office.

2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%



5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void effective 1/1/13. The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen/women.

Congress made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.

Don't you think it's time we rethought American politics and its politicians?

Happy Holiday 2012

 

I wish you a day of ordinary miracles. 

A fresh pot of coffee you didn't have to make yourself. 

An unexpected phone call from an old friend.

Green traffic lights on your way to work or shopping.

I wish you a day of little things to rejoice in. 

The fastest line at the grocery store.

A good sing along song on the radio.

Your keys right where you look.

I wish you a day of happiness and perfection -

Little bite-size pieces of perfection that give you a wonderful feeling .  

But most of all, I wish you Peace, Happiness and Joy.

 

Judith

 

 

Back in My Day ...

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
 

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truly recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

The Language of Crystals

I was reading a post from a Google+ friend yesterday who had just acquired a new crystal. It was quite beautiful, and reminded me of the paperweight my husband gave to me when we first began dating. Attached to the paperweight was a poem about the various crystals associated with birth months. I thought it would be fun to share it with you today.

By her who in this month (January) is born

No gem save garnets should be worn;

They will ensure her constancy,

True friendship, and fidelity. 

The February-born shall find

Sincerity and peace of mind,

Freedom from passion and from care,

If they an amethyst will wear. 

Who in this world of ours their eyes

In March first open shall be wise,

In days of peril firm and brave,

And wear a bloodstone to their grave. 

She who from April dates her years,

Diamonds shall wear, lest bitter tears

For vain repentance flow; this stone,

Emblem of innocence, is known. 

Who first beholds the light of day

In spring's sweet flowery month of May

And wears an emerald all her life

Shall be a loved and happy wife.

Who comes with summer to this earth,

And owes to June her hour of birth,

With ring of agate on her hand

Can health, wealth, and long life command. 

The glowing ruby shall adorn,

Those who in July are born;

Then they'll be exempt and free

From love's doubts and anxiety. 

Wear a sardonyx or for thee,

No conjugal felicity;

The August-born without this stone,

`Tis said, must live unloved and lone. 

A maiden born when September leaves

Are rustling in September's breeze,

A sapphire on her brow should bind

`Twill cure diseases of the mind. 

October's child is born for woe,

And life's vicissitudes must know,

But lay an opal on her breast,

And hope will lull those woes to rest. 

Who first comes to this world below

With drear November's fog and snow,

Should prize the topaz's amber hue,

Emblem of friends and lovers true. 

If cold December gave you birth,

The month of snow and ice and mirth,

Place on your hand a turquoise blue;

Success will bless whate'er you do.

Fighting for What is Important

As we approach Independence Day, I hope we will remember what the day is really all about.

Remember the guy who wouldn’t take the flag down?

You might remember a news story several months ago about a crotchety old man who defied his homeowners association and refused to take down the flagpole on his property and the large flag that flew on it. Now you can find out who, exactly, that old man was.

On June 15, 1919, Van T. Barfoot was born in Edinburg — probably didn’t make much news back then.

Twenty-five years later, on May 23, 1944, near Carano, Italy , Van T. Barfoot, who had enlisted in the US Army in 1940, set out to flank German machine gun positions from which fire was coming down on his fellow soldiers. He advanced through a minefield, took out three enemy machine gun positions and returned with 17 prisoners of war. If that wasn’t enough for a day’s work, he later took on and destroyed three German tanks sent to retake the machine gun positions.

That probably didn’t make much news either, given the scope of the war, but it did earn Van T. Barfoot, who retired as a Colonel after also serving in Korea and Vietnam , a Congressional Medal of Honor.

What did make news was a neighborhood association’s quibble with how the 90-year-old veteran chose to fly the American flag outside his suburban Virginia home. Seems the rules said a flag could be flown on a house-mounted bracket, but, for decorum, items such as Barfoot’s 21-foot flagpole were unsuitable. He had been denied a permit for the pole, erected it anyway and was facing court action if he didn’t take it down.

Since the story made national TV, the neighborhood association has rethought its position and agreed to indulge this old hero who dwells among them.

“In the time I have left I plan to continue to fly the American flag without interference,” Barfoot told The Associated Press.

As well he should.

And if any of his neighbors still takes a notion to contest him, they might want to read his Medal of Honor citation. It indicates he’s not real good at backing down.

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Laughter is the Best Medicine

I don't remember the last time I laughed, really laughed from deep in the belly until tears rolled down my face. Do you?

I believe we're missing something nowadays, and the something we are missing is laughter. Yes, we smile. We might even giggle or chuckle, but we don't roar with laughter anymore. Is it because we don't have anything to laugh about? Or is it because nothing is funny?

 

I remember watching old Disney movies. Not the cartoons but the live-action movies. Good old movies such as With Six You Get Eggroll, The North Avenue Irregulars, Hot Lead, Cold Feet, and The Apple Dumpling Gang. I remember laughing throughout all of these, from beginning to end. Laughing out loud until I cried.

Do we laugh at anything anymore?

Not too long ago, I was reading a book while waiting at a restaurant. There was one scene where a single guy was babysitting three little boys. The situation wasn't necessarily funny, but the writer's gift for description was hilarious. I couldn't help but laugh while trying to keep quiet and not make a spectacle of myself. A woman at the next table asked what I was reading because she wanted to read something that would make her laugh, too.

There are so few good humorous stories being written. Why not? In this day and age, don't we need laughter more than ever?

What do you think? Inquiring minds want to know.

Can Love Really Survive All Things?

After having spent her entire lifetime pining away for all things Russian, Kate Barnes finally gets the chance to visit the storied land of her dreams. While on vacation in Moscow, Kate runs into the wealthy, distinguished Viktor Cherkasov - and much to the surprise of both of them, they soon fall deeply in love; however, with only ten days before Kate returns home – and Viktor’s son, Alexei, determined to keep them apart – can the two fated lovers overcome the obstacles threatening to sever their burgeoning bond…?

Available now in paperback and e-book at Amazon and Barnes&Noble.

Road Trip!

Now that summer is almost upon us, the hubs and I are planning our annual road trip to Ocean City (NJ not MD). It's only a few hours from where we live but it is a world away. Quiet beaches, quiet dinners, quiet afternoon walks. You get the idea. It wasn't so long ago, though, that our road trips took days instead of hours.

One of our favorite trips was to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. We decided to drive instead of fly so we could enjoy the scenery along the way. BIG mistake. That year had record cold temperatures and the snow storms followed us all the way to the Louisiana border. It's a wonder we made it there and back in our old Chevy.

The longest road trip we ever took was to the Grand Canyon. It was the year after we got married and we were both between jobs. In no rush, we visited ten states as we meandered our way to Arizona. It was then that we knew our marriage would last forever - after eight weeks crammed in a car and eating fast food without killing each other, how could it not last!

What are your fondest memories of a road trip you've taken? Inquiring minds want to know.

Perchance to Dream

You wake up in the middle of the night, cold and shaking. What’s going on here?

You have just awakened from a dream, in this case a scary one. Did you know that most people have up to five different dreams per night. Some dreams last only a few seconds while others last up to twenty minutes, and they tend to get longer the more hours you are asleep.

Dreams have been seen as a connection to the unconscious. They range from normal and ordinary to overly surreal and bizarre. Dreams can have varying natures, such as frightening, magical, or adventurous. The events in dreams are generally outside the control of the dreamer, and can at times make a creative thought occur to the person or give a sense of inspiration.

Dreams are oftentimes where I get the inspiration for my fantasy short stories. Where else but my wildly vivid subconscious could I create far away worlds and situations?

Fellow witers, do you remember your dreams? Are they at the core of your stories? Inquiring minds want to know.

Spring is Here

Mother Nature has been kind this year to those of us on the East Coast. After one of the mildest winters that I can remember, she has brought us an early Spring.

Last week saw several record temperatures in New Jersey, prompting the trees to flower even though it is still March. All around town, I see the dogwood and cherry blossoms in bloom, and the green buds on other trees and bushes. It is a stark contrast to the winter of 2010-11 that seemed to never end. I'm not brave enough to risk a cold by going out without a sweater or jacket just yet, but I have forsaken my scarf and hat.

As I walk through the park today, the sights and smells of a beautiful morning make me want to rush home to work on my new novel. Thanks to the rain of several weeks ago, it had been taking on a somber tone but I now have the urge to go back and rewrite those scenes into more cheerful ones.

As a writer of contemporary romance, my novels are based on people I know and set in places I have been. Looking back, I also can see that the mood of the story took a cue from what was happening in my life. I can pinpoint my own highs and lows by how I described a scene or by the interaction of the characters.

Is this a writer's gift or curse? Is it harder to write an upbeat chapter when it is gloomy and grey outside the window? A good writer might try to put all else out of theirs minds and concentrate on the words before their eyes, but is it possible to completely blot it out.

Fellow writer, share your thoughts.

Guest Post by Brian Holers, author of the literary novel, Doxology

Please enjoy this guest post by Brian Holers, author of the literary novel, Doxology. Then read on to learn how you can win huge prizes as part of this blog tour, including $450 in Amazon gift cards, a Kindle Fire, and 5 autographed copies of the book.

Not just for Christians

One of the beauties of self-publishing is that the gatekeeper has been fired. In this new world of books made possible by the Internet, no one is left to guard the door. To tell the reader what is what. This state of affairs may introduce an element of confusion for dogmatic readers, but the good news is, new breeds of literature are being created.

Self-publishing allows literature to cross over in new ways. Traditional Christian fiction publishers, for instance, disallow most references to sex, and even the most juvenile profanity. Self-publishing changes this. Not to suggest a writer should ever debase a genre—as writers we are obliged to choose our words carefully. But the old Christian books kept many readers away. “I’m not going to read that. That’s Christian. It’s boring.” Still, nearly every Christian I know periodically swears, fights, and even becomes amorous from time to time. Christians like good stories too, with depth of character, excitement, whimsy, action. The success of a book like The Shack shows the need for stories of real people dealing with real problems, in a faith-based context. It doesn’t even have to be good literature.

As humans, we all look for answers. Stories are stories. Conflict builds to crisis, which leads to a form of resolution. Sure, some people never doubt their faiths, even in the face of horrible tragedy. Others do. Some never ascribed to a faith in the first place, and instead spend their days casting about for a context to this condition we call humanness. The problem with much traditional Christian literature is this; when a character is pushed to a crisis, and the only change we read is “he fell on his knees, then and there, and accepted Jesus into his heart,” that incident may describe a beautiful sentiment, and may have value to a real person in real life, but as a reader, it doesn’t tell me anything. A reader wants details. He wants to see the sweat break out. She wants to hear the thoughts and words that accompany the character’s condition. Literature is literature. We want to see development. We want to get inside the characters. We want to get to know them. That’s why we care. Regardless of the genre label put on the book.

Doxology is a story in between. The book has a religious message; given its primary setting in rural north Louisiana, that message is Christian. But the characters are just people. They experience the same emotions all people do—love, joy, loss. Their conflicts grow and grow until they must be resolved. Like real people, they go astray, take paths of separation from God, or just from what is good for them. They experience desires that can never be fulfilled, want things that can never be had or even understood. They discover the traits in their lives that aren’t working, and set out to find new habits that will work. Many Christian values are universal—a belief, despite evidence to the contrary, that our lives are worthwhile. An understanding that letting go, and learning how little we are in charge, makes life more manageable. A certainty that the kindness and compassion we offer to others is returned to us a hundredfold.

Some say God. Some say the universe. But we all–when we’re honest, and when we pay attention, have a sense of something looking out for us, giving us what we need. Putting people we need into our lives. We give credit for these gifts as we see fit. Good literature promotes a point of view by showing the reader how a character’s modes of operation and beliefs work for her (or don’t). Good literature, whatever its genre, lets the reader inside. Lets the reader do part of the work. Doxology, in this vein, is a story at the crossroad of God and man. It presents God as the characters experience God, and as real people experience God, looking out for them, giving them what they need. Coming to understand how God has been there all along.

Doxology is a love story. Faith plays a role, as it helps the characters find answers and resolution, improves their lives. Like Jody and Vernon and the others, we all look for redemption from brokenness of the past. They and we find it, as people both real and imaginary alike do, in family, friends, productive work, a sense of place, a faith in something greater. Doxology is a story, first and foremost. Its characters face problems. Their conflicts grow. They look for resolutions and ultimately find them, imperfect as they are. We the readers get to know them, and we care. We sympathize. They matter.



As part of this special promotional extravaganza sponsored by Novel Publicity, the price of the Doxology eBook edition is just 99 cents this week. What’s more, by purchasing this fantastic book at an incredibly low price, you can enter to win many awesome prizes. The prizes include $450 in Amazon gift cards, a Kindle Fire, and 5 autographed copies of the book.

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About the book: Fathers, sons and brothers reconnect over tragedy in this blue-collar Southern tale of love, loss, and the healing power of community and family. Get it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

About the author: An arborist by day and a novelist in every moment he can steal, Brian makes up stories from the treetops. Visit Brian on his website, Twitter, Facebook, or GoodReads.

Leap Day

Hollywood has given up many classic movies - Gone with the Wind, Titanic, and The Godfather to name a few. It isn't hard to convince my husband to take me to the movies for blockbusters such as these. It is quite another matter when the movie is a chick flick filled with sappy romance. Which is why I found it so surprising that he suggested we see the film Leap Year when it came out in 2010.
An Ireland-born Irishman, my darling husband found the movie hilarious. It seems this was not just a piece of Hollywood magic but based on an actual Irish tradition which allows women to propose marriage to their boyfriends on February 29. Who knew!

So sit back, enjoy the trailer, and then polish up your proposal speech, girls.

Happy Leap Day!

And the Winner Is ...

It's Oscar time again. I know of very few people who will not be sitting on the edge of their seats this Sunday, glued to their TV sets. Some will watch, eager to see the fashions that will grace the red carpet. Others will endure the endless speeches of gratitude, waiting to hear who wins the Best Picture award.

I've seen only two of this year's contenders.

I had to see War Horse because I had enjoyed the Lincoln Center production so much. There is much to be said for movie magic, but I thought that much of the drama of the play was lost in the sweeping cinematography. Not to mention that the actors who portrayed the horses in the stage play stole the show. Still, the movie did have its high points. There was no mistaking the Steven Spielberg touch.

The other movie was The Help. The book was great, the movie did it justice. It was a wonderful commentary on the world that was the South the in 60's. And funny as all you-know-what for those of us who grew up during that time and understood the inside jokes. What more is there to say?

What are your favorites for the top honor this year? Inquiring minds want to know.

Valentine's Day Creed

Comfort each other. Provide a refuge and sanctuary for each other from the chill winds of the world. Your marriage is a hearth, from whence comes the peace, harmony, and warmth of soul and spirit.

Caress as you would be caressed. Warm your loved one's body with your healing touch. Remember that as babies can die with lack of touching, so can marriages wither from lack of closeness.

Be a friend and partner. Friendship can be a peaceful island, separate and apart, in a world of turmoil and strife. Reflect upon the tranquility of the many future years you can share with a true friend, and beware of becoming battling enemies under the same roof.

Be open with each other. Bind not yourselves in the secretness that causes suspicion and doubt. Trust and reveal yourselves to each other, even as the budding rose opens to reveal its fragrance and beauty.

Listen to each other. Hear not only words, but also the non-language of tone, mood, and expression. Learn to listen to understand rather than listening to argue.

Respect each other's rights. Remember that each is a person of flesh and blood, entitled to his or her own choices and mistakes. Each owns himself, and has the right to equality.

Allow the other to be an individual Seek not to create for each other a new mold that can only fit with much discomfort and pain. Accept the other as they are, as you would have yourself accepted.

Give each other approval. Remember criticism divides, while compliments encourage confidence in the other. Hasten not to point out the other's mistakes, for each will soon discover his own.

Cherish your union. Let no one come between your togetherness, not child, not friend, nor possessions. Yet maintain enough separateness to allow each other his or her own uniqueness.

Love one another. Love is your river of life, your eternal source of recreating yourselves. Above all else, love one another.